I have been blessed with three boys…

I have been blessed with three boys…this is James, my eldest. He is 14 going on 40, well he has always been 40, he is one of those kids who is way too grown up before his time and was never really a child, he is a quirky young man, interested in computers, and like most his age spends too much time on one, but he loves using his hands, building and tinkering in his shed, and loves to look after our garden, this photo was taken after spending the morning in the garden, after purchasing a new brush cutter, our old one died after 13 years of intense work. He is the most helpful person around our house, out of all of us!!I am so proud of him and love him so…teenage years are hard, so many decisions, so many ideas and possibilities…but you are trapped in a body that grows too quickly and mind that can’t settle…💕

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Work!

I have cleaned toilets, poured beers in outback towns and cities, served meals, made beds, taken tickets at a theme park, played reception, been a bank teller, even picked award winning grapes! So many different jobs, in so many different locations. I have always worked, never having ambition or direction, just living….but now I have drive and passion, creativity and motivation, I look forward to each day filled with new ideas and fun! Wait for it! For sometimes life finds you xx I know it is cliché but – “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life”

Follow your dreams!

Remember yesterday when I was talking about dreams changing. It is funny how they do. When Sam was here I started creating felt flowers, it helped me get through the long hospital stays and then after it helped get me through my grief. But when needing something to wear to a market I was in, I decided to make a skirt for myself. I don’t wear skirts, so this alone was something different. I had sewn in the past, and always wanted to sew, but nothing real! So one night I created this skirt out of fabric found at a garage sale.I was then hooked!

I had no interest in the felt flowers and I began hunting op shops and garage sales for fabrics. I started with many different styles and patterns before creating my first pinny. And funny thing is, I was not too happy with the pattern! So I altered it a little and well you know the rest! I have lost count of the number of unique upcycled pinnys out there now bopping around on your little ones!

Follow your dreams but let them evolve as you yourself grow xx

Dreams amongst the nightmares!

To dream, to wish, to make goals…is to know you are alive, to know there is hope, changing your life for YOU.Our lives are full of dreams, they change from year to year…and sadly there are also nightmares, that come crashing in to our lives, ripping it apart and leaving you so raw and lost…but if you hold on to those dreams, even if they take on a new direction, you can get through those nightmares. Hold on to your dreams and they will lead you through the dark.

dream a little is my light, my peace, my hope, after the nightmare.

Do not give up on your dreams!

I dreamed a little.  

I dreamed a little when I was finishing high school, I wanted to become an art teacher…I was never any good at “art” I could not draw, I did not have any artist talents…also it takes a bit of money to put yourself through Uni, so I got a job…I worked, I travelled a little, I got married and I had kids…but it took sadness, illness and loss to find myself back to my dream and to realise you do not have to be able draw, or paint or even design, to create beautiful works of art. I am loving my new direction in life, yes the journey was bumpy, and no amount of pinnys are going to fill my broken heart of losing Sam, but I am trying! They do get me up each day, they make my heart sing…I am the happiest sad person around xx

  

Flash back!

Let’s flash back 20 years! Me living in a kombi travelling Australia, no grief, no Rheumatoid, no kids….no idea! Sure life was a lot easier, carefree, fun, but I was lost. I was wondering around, bumping into people and places not really knowing what I was meant to do. And I think that is what you are meant to do in your 20’s, look for your people, find your space. Do I ever wish for that life again….Nooooo! I am quite happy where I am now, life may have thrown a few mountains at me for me to climb but I got over them, and I now have a few more quirks! But I am happy! My creative husband who annoys me so much, but I love dearly, three gorgeous boys, all with their different personalities, yes one is an angel, my beautiful mum who I grow closer to each day and love so much, so many other caring family members and then my amazing friends, both near and far, the support and love, guidance and understanding I get from these women, I am so lucky to have them in my life. Each stage of life is a mystery waiting for us to solve, enjoy it!
  

Washing day.

My washing line! Nestled in between my nectarine and plum tree. Doing the washing is one household job I don’t mind. Really it is the easiest of them all! We are so lucky to have washing machines that do all the hard work for us, then the gorgeous sunshine and light mountain breeze does the rest! In the afternoon I fold it outside while Tommy kicks the soccer ball, done. And of course the days I get to wash for dream a little, is quite magical!
  

What makes your heart sing?

What makes your heart sing? Do you get time to do the things you love. What would you do if you had a couple of uninterrupted hours? What are you passionate about? If I had to pick just one, for there are so many, for me at this very moment, today, it’s sewing! I am itching to start sewing, to cut into that cute tea towel, pillowcase, sheeting fabric, to place patterns and colours together, to find their perfect match, to sew them together, to iron, to pin, to trim and hem, picking the right buttons and then to dream of the sweet little people who will get to wear something unique and special. At this stage of my life sewing completes me, and to sew for others and to make little ones so happy….my heart sings!
  

Medication and Rhuematoid arthritis.

This is me, well part of me, Rheumatoid Arthritis, RA. An auto immune disease that targets the lining of the joints, called the synovial membrane, causing inflammation and joint damage. There is no cure and they do not know why people get it. But thanks to modern medication I can walk, sew, do normal household duties and look after my kids. I am one of the lucky ones, who found a great doctor early and found the right combination of medication. But my journey has only just began. It will change, this disease is with me for life and I hope to have a lot of years still to go, and with all medications and the way your body functions, things always change. But for now I take Arava daily, (side effect – diarrhoea) methotrexate weekly (side effect – nausea) followed by folic acid then each month I have my ejectable Simponi which is a biologic (they all suppress my immune system). Why am I showing you? Why bore you with medication and disease? Because I am not alone. So many people have hidden, silent illnesses that are treated with medication. Sadly sunshine and green smoothies will not cure all of these (they will help). Sadly so many of us look fine on the outside but are screaming with pain on the inside. Understanding these diseases is the only way to help, spreading awareness helps. So many people mix up osteoarthritis, normal wear and tear on you joints as you get older with RA, they are so wrong, even kids can get RA. Big hugs go out to all of you who suffer from silent illnesses, you are not alone x
  

Nothing compares to childhood cancer.

Everyday Samuel’s fingerprint hangs along side my heart. My most precious keepsake of my boy taken too soon. His little fingerprint keeps me strong, whenever I feel sad, nervous or lonely, I just need to place my finger gently inside his and I instantly feel stronger. I can get through anything knowing how brave my little guy was, nothing compares to childhood cancer!