I have been blessed with three boys…this is James, my eldest. He is 14 going on 40, well he has always been 40, he is one of those kids who is way too grown up before his time and was never really a child, he is a quirky young man, interested in computers, and like most his age spends too much time on one, but he loves using his hands, building and tinkering in his shed, and loves to look after our garden, this photo was taken after spending the morning in the garden, after purchasing a new brush cutter, our old one died after 13 years of intense work. He is the most helpful person around our house, out of all of us!!I am so proud of him and love him so…teenage years are hard, so many decisions, so many ideas and possibilities…but you are trapped in a body that grows too quickly and mind that can’t settle…💕
Mad times! When the boys we little and life was so crazy and filled with questions, washing, tight hugs, kindy, lunches, school things, hats, shoes, dirt, dishes, sticky hands, funny kisses, hair cuts, toys and fun! These three were my world, I was a full time stay at home mum, I still am and they still are. And when looking at this photo I grieve, not only for Sam, my middle boy taken to soon by cancer but for these other two little guys. I guess all parents grieve for a time gone by, of little people sitting on your lap of all that demanding attention they deserve. I have mentioned this before, but it just grabs me when I see my boys so happy playing together. James is now a teenager and I am not the only girl in his life! Each stage in their lives is wonderful and I love how amazing my kids are now, with all they have been through. But I do miss the crazy times, don’t get me wrong, loving the now time, but look at those three and their happy faces! Three boys!
Grief is one of those emotions that is with you always, well for me anyway, such a powerful emotion that can flatten you in an instant or sneak up on you and grab you until you can not breathe. After losing Sam I did not know how powerful an emotion it can be, but I believe we as parents feel this power of grief constantly throughout our children’s lives. My other two boys are now 9 and 13. I have a… teenager! And when seeing photos like this I think back to those days and miss my little boys. I hear this from other mums in conversation, like when talking about my boys the other day at the bank and the other lady saying her children are all grown, the way she said it with love but also regret and sadness. You must know the feeling I am talking about! Even though when the boys were young it was crazy, mad, silliness all the time, it was also having little arms around your legs, cuddles on your lap, tiny fingers wrapped around yours, all those gooey emotions we get around little people. I truly miss that, I do feel grief for those days, but only for a moment! I am proud of my boys now, becoming young men, learning their own way in this big world, they are still at the stage were they need us and want to be with us, well one does! I have lost one child, he will forever be my “almost nine year old” so for me I will always be looking back and wishing for days gone by, but this just means that for my other two I will be there for them, I don’t want to miss out on anything, but also as they grow and become more independent I will have learn to stand back and watch, lovingly, from the sidelines, it will be harder now, I think I worry more now than I did before, but that’s what happens when life takes one of your babies. xx Look at that cheeky boy in the middle!!