Childhood cancer will not be forgotten with the change of a date.

Today is the last day of September, but like Sam Childhood cancer will not be forgotten with the change of a date. For so many this cruel disease has taken so much, lives have changed, dreams have been forgotten and hearts have been broken. There is heartbreak with losing a child to cancer as with your child surviving, you are never free, the thought of it coming back and the complications are very real. But we are so lucky to have each other. Today I send out a special heart felt hug to all those beautiful people I have met on our journey, you are always in my heart. And I wish to say thank you to those gorgeous people who have followed Samuels journey, who have helped spread the word about childhood cancer, you are so wonderful. Always be grateful for what you have, “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” Life can be hard, it can twist and turn in ways you do not want, you can begin to feel cheated and bitterness can set in, but you need to stop and think of how lucky you are, to be here, to be alive, fight for those dreams again. Samuel had dreams, he wanted to be a dad, to have kids, he wanted to be a scientist, to discover and learn, he wanted to have fun and go on adventures. Our last photo together….about to embark on his last adventure, “Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy.” I miss you Samuel xx


Love and support.

When a child is diagnosed with cancer, it stirs so many emotions and touches people in a way that can sometimes be amazing. Our small community came together when Sam was diagnosed, I was overwhelmed with the support and love we received, I am still so very grateful for this love, it made me stronger, then and now to know that so many people were there for us. Some people said how amazed they were with how I handled this horrible time in our lives, well without the help and support from our community, I would have been a mess. This is Sam in his beautiful handmade quilt, patches from all our close friends and family, they quickly whipped this up while he was in hospital for his first chemo. This quilt travelled to every hospital stay, appointment and outing we had. He was always wrapped up in love. It is so special, that now that he is gone I sleep under it every night, it is on my bed to remind me not only of my cheeky boy but of the love and support from our dearest, I thank you xx

September is raising awareness for childhood cancer month.

Go gold this September, raise awareness for childhood cancer. Let’s do this for all those brave soldiers out there, fighting this disease, let’s do this for our beautiful angels taken too soon. Let’s do this for my angel, Samuel, osteosarcoma took my boy four days before is ninth birthday. This month is for raising awareness, speaking about it, sharing, caring and helping. I want to giveaway this gorgeous gold pinny, it’s my way of spreading the word. Please help me spread awareness. To go into the random draw for this pretty daffodil pinny, size 3, simply comment below, share your stories, tag a friend with kids, send love to our brave soldiers, speak our angels names!x I will randomly draw the winner on the 14th of September at 10am. Enter here. This giveaway will only be for my Facebook followers, it is not endorsed or sponsors by Facebook. Thank you for caring xx11950266_871325342961680_402209932722580545_o

Going gold in September.

Tomorrow is the first day of September, the first day of spring for us downunder! But for myself and and too many of my friends it is the first day of the month dedicated to raising awareness for Childhood cancer xx my Facebook newsfeed will go gold for all our brave soldiers and for too many beautiful angels taken too soon xx. I hope you can join me. dream a little will go gold, childhood cancer will be spoken about, causes will be shared, golden pinnys shall be created, but most of all you will be made aware – something I wish I knew more about three and a half years ago xx  

helping yourself and others x

I just spent the first part of my morning helping out at my eldest boys school, in the uniform shop. I only volunteer one hour a month, it is only a small part of my life, but I am glad I can help, even for just an hour. In another life I used to help more, as much as I could. When the boys were at kindy I was on the committee, again only a small part, but I was there and then once they went to primary school again I put my hand up when I could. It’s nice isn’t, helping the community, being apart of something, only giving up your time! Sadly once Samuel passed away I found it hard to help out as much at the school, some thing changed, me, I found it hard to be there, my little spark disappeared…So this year when my eldest started high school I thought, I can do this again, I put my hand up, and I am so happy that I did. Even though my youngest is still at the primary school, I still find it hard to go in there, Samuel’s year are now the year 6, the seniors! I see his friends everyday while waiting for Tommy, it’s a strange feeling, I feel so proud that they are growing up and doing such amazing things but then I have that sadness of – Sam should be there with them, Sam should be growing up and having a fun and exciting time too, but cancer took that from him…your path in life can be rocky, sometimes mountains pop up in the way, and for some, deep holes form, but always remember to keep going, the path may change, you will change with it, but always do what is right for you, go gently x  

Grief and parenting.

Grief is one of those emotions that is with you always, well for me anyway, such a powerful emotion that can flatten you in an instant or sneak up on you and grab you until you can not breathe. After losing Sam I did not know how powerful an emotion it can be, but I believe we as parents feel this power of grief constantly throughout our children’s lives. My other two boys are now 9 and 13. I have a teenager! And when seeing photos like this I think back to those days and miss my little boys. I hear this from other mums in conversation, like when talking about my boys the other day at the bank and the other lady saying her children are all grown, the way she said it with love but also regret and sadness. You must know the feeling I am talking about! Even though when the boys were young it was crazy, mad, silliness all the time, it was also having little arms around your legs, cuddles on your lap, tiny fingers wrapped around yours, all those gooey emotions we get around little people. I truly miss that, I do feel grief for those days, but only for a moment! I am proud of my boys now, becoming young men, learning their own way in this big world, they are still at the stage were they need us and want to be with us, well one does! I have lost one child, he will forever be my “almost nine year old” so for me I will always be looking back and wishing for days gone by, but this just means that for my other two I will be there for them, I don’t want to miss out on anything, but also as they grow and become more independent I will have learn to stand back and watch, lovingly, from the sidelines, it will be harder now, I think I worry more now than I did before, but that’s what happens when life takes one of your babies. xx Look at that cheeky boy in the middle!!

September is Childhood cancer awareness month!

Go gold this September for Childhood cancer. Raise awareness! Not just for your self but for your children, make sure they are aware. I am not talking about your three year old I am talking about your 13 year old. Going into their adolescent, teenagers especially must be made aware. It is a difficult time in everyone’s life, so many changes, what is happening to my body, is this right, is this meant to happen, maybe it will just go away! I know myself how shy I was at that age, we have to make sure our teenagers know that they can come to us about anything, or have the confidence to talk to someone if a change in their bodies just does not feel right. Speak them gently about Childhood cancers, let them know it is ok to speak up if something is worrying them.

Having lost our middle child to osteosarcoma I know how important this is, he was only seven, so too young to understand how that pain in his leg was a tumour growing so quickly that it ended up taking his life, after a year long battle. But another boy (14) who had osteosarcoma was too worried to tell his mum who was working long hours to support her family, he did not want to add to her worries and most likely thought, it will go away, he is now an angel like my Samuel.