Grief and parenting.

Grief is one of those emotions that is with you always, well for me anyway, such a powerful emotion that can flatten you in an instant or sneak up on you and grab you until you can not breathe. After losing Sam I did not know how powerful an emotion it can be, but I believe we as parents feel this power of grief constantly throughout our children’s lives. My other two boys are now 9 and 13. I have a teenager! And when seeing photos like this I think back to those days and miss my little boys. I hear this from other mums in conversation, like when talking about my boys the other day at the bank and the other lady saying her children are all grown, the way she said it with love but also regret and sadness. You must know the feeling I am talking about! Even though when the boys were young it was crazy, mad, silliness all the time, it was also having little arms around your legs, cuddles on your lap, tiny fingers wrapped around yours, all those gooey emotions we get around little people. I truly miss that, I do feel grief for those days, but only for a moment! I am proud of my boys now, becoming young men, learning their own way in this big world, they are still at the stage were they need us and want to be with us, well one does! I have lost one child, he will forever be my “almost nine year old” so for me I will always be looking back and wishing for days gone by, but this just means that for my other two I will be there for them, I don’t want to miss out on anything, but also as they grow and become more independent I will have learn to stand back and watch, lovingly, from the sidelines, it will be harder now, I think I worry more now than I did before, but that’s what happens when life takes one of your babies. xx Look at that cheeky boy in the middle!!

2 thoughts on “Grief and parenting.

  1. My favourite memory of Sam is of my last visit to him before I went away to Texas. We talked nonsense about cowboys and spaceships. It still makes me cry to think of the next day at the airport, knowing that he’d gone – it was so hard to get on a plane and leave you guys, and all the people on the mountain. But I was grateful to Sam that we’d had a nice chat before he left. Hugs to you, Jackie. x

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